My girls spent 28 days in the NICU after being born 6 weeks premature. It was an excruciating time and nothing prepares you for leaving babies behind at the hospital. I know what you’re saying….I thought this blog was supposed to be funny?…I’ll get there. My wife and I were far from germophobes before this, but after scrubbing our hands and wiping down our phones just to enter their hospital room each day, we listened to the nurses and did what was best for our babies…even if some family and friends thought we were crazy. Then. Daycare. Happened.
I always knew daycare would boost their immune systems, but I guess we never realized why. These kids literally put everything in their mouths…fingers, toys, other kids fingers, shoes, socks, wipes, regurgitated food, you know, normal stuff. As a parent, we tried so hard to keep them from choking, that keeping them from putting disgusting things in their mouths took a backseat.
Now before DYFS shows up at my door, I just want to preface this by saying the kids are alright (continuing Mike’s Offspring references). I work in New York City occasionally which includes going through Penn Station. Many people would probably agree that the Penn Station Men’s Room is the filthiest place in New York, if not the US. The guy that cleans that place has to have the worst job in America. How he’s able to be noseblind to the smell of the men grooming and/or urinating in the sinks (not at the same time, they do have SOME class) is beyond me.
I avoid that place like the plague, which can also be caught there. But sometimes nature calls and a stop is warranted. After a stop there and a train ride home, I put my dress shoes and their Penn Station leftovers on the kitchen floor. After some spirited playtime, running around the house, one of my 2 year olds disappeared and went quiet.
Where do I find her?…Putting my dress shoe in her mouth! I yelled NOOOOOOOO, took it from her, and tried not to throw up in my mouth. Even writing this, I’m feeling the sudden urge to vomit. My poor baby. We try so hard to protect our kids from everything, but sometimes disgusting things happen. And now that you’re entirely disgusted, I’m happy to say that she didn’t catch the Penn Station Plague, get sick, or even cry. Thanks for the boost daycare!